Cauchemar

by My Personal Murderer

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credits

released February 4, 2016

Music by Yevgen Chebotarenko, Maxim Kovalchuk and Yurii Kononov

Words by Yevgen Chebotarenko and Anand Dibble

Sound by Ilya Galushko and Yevgen Chebotarenko

Recording engineer Alexei Nagornykh

Guitar re-amping by Anton Vorozhtsov

Artwork taken from 'По той бік' (Beyond) series by Albina Yaloza

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about

My Personal Murderer Odesa, Ukraine

Raised in 90s by the Black Sea and heavily influenced by alternative music of the time, My Personal Murderer of today are the product of their peculiar environment representing the post-soviet melancholy.

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Track Name: Cauchemar
The sky is growing dark and my jutting ribs scrape against the dusty ground.

In the desert that surrounds me there is nothing but the high moaning, closer now. My face sinks into the ground as everything goes black.

I wake again. The morning is bright and fills me with promise. I stretch my strong and supple limbs, look around the apartment that greets me every new day.

For a moment I enjoy the thick, deep silence. The noises haven’t started yet, but I know they will soon.

If there is a sound, then there must be a cause. I do not know if it comes from me.

I remember the other apartments in the building from previous days - there is nothing in them but junk. Maybe there are others like me, but I have never seen them. On the days when I wait, they burden me with an empty sorrow and I do not stay in them long.

The horizon is the same everywhere I look. I remember where I went yesterday, I line myself up in exactly the same direction. Then I make a quarter-turn and start to walk again.

As I walk, the sun travels across the sky and I grow thin and tired. My skin is grey and my legs have lost their vigor. It is better when this happens in the open air and not in the stifling, musty apartment, but not by much. I take a deep breath while I still can and quicken my pace.

The muffled moaning, like whale song, is stronger now. As always, I see nothing that could produce it.

The sun sinks even further and I take my first look back. The building has already vanished in the distance. In front of me there is nothing.

My skin sags, dark spots beginning to appear on it and the bones of my wrists rubbing against the rough fabric of my shirt.

Why is there nothing? If there is nothing, where did I come from?

Each day is endless in the same way as the desert that I walk through now. The ending is always invisible until it is met.

My walk is not finished, and anything may happen. This means it is unlimited. When it is finished, then it will have a limit.

Is it the same walk, or does it begin anew each day?

I am as valuable as the building, as the other apartments, as the sounds in the emptiness I walk through now. As valuable and no more.

My eyes begin to fail. My walk is coming to an end.

The sky is growing dark and my jutting ribs scrape against the dusty ground.

In the desert that surrounds me there is nothing but the high moaning, closer now. My face sinks into the ground as everything goes black.
Track Name: The Worm Prince
When skin is apart it turns into sand
Rebellious flesh abandons the head
I lay you in front and cut off your will
So what do you feel, why aren't you still?

I cut off the veils releasing the brides
Who's decrepit faces conform low-lived hides

I'm hailing my taint

My skin is apart, i worm outside
Track Name: Constant Waiting
All that I need Is to bleed like her
And to ruin her childhood
That I need
To complete my soul and to let my body go .

Feeling indeed that to bleed is wrong
For such a lovely child
To release
On my knees I crawl
And let my body go.

Now you'll never gonna be the same I said
Then electricity came through her
And my misery had changed the world
My little woman is to blame, she's nailed
By curiosity of human who obsessively just tried to help.

And then he came
God of shame
Wearing her dress
Sharing her name .

What will he bring
Of solemn place?

He has my face.
Track Name: Dear Pigeon
Dear pigeon, fly little lower
So I could take your wings
Dear parents, will you love me
If I tell that I'm feeling pain?

Dear lover, will you need me
If i hide deep inside?
Caring parents, will you love me
If I tell that I'm fine?

And if you only knew
How long I wait for you
To come to my birthday
And never fade away

And if you only knew
How long I wait for you
To come to my birthday
And stay

All you, liars
Liars liars
Track Name: Crawling Son
Here inside your heart
Brother of bones and mud
There's blood
There's no love

Man of a violet pool
Of river to lave the cruel
Be blind
Play the fool

Because of a boiling star
You came here to serve the harm
Seed of the crawling son
Delivering lying one

Someone who agonized
Being that ceased to rise
Has sown
Devouring lights

Poor from weeping land
Touched by the golden hand
Ascend
And overwhelm

Because of a boiling star
You came here to serve the harm
Seed of the crawling son
Delivering lying one
Track Name: Soup For The Creature
Remember how we began?
So let's start again
With breathing

Show me your mountain-like skin
Where the fire is still
Unceasing

I will kiss your accrete lips
I will never disappear
I adore your grievous sleep
I will always keep you clear

I never thought it'd be you
Should be us
Or me
Or noone

And when I boil pills for you
I recall
Our falling

There was no captain in a plane
You took my hand
You told we'll reach paradise
And now I wish you fire

But you're already burning

We'll never see them again
Their cuts got nothing for us to tell

We'll never see them again
Their guts got nothing for us to tell

We'll never see them again
Their gods got nothing for us to tell
Track Name: Streets
The streets are letting me go
It's so unusual
The ways I used to be born
Were seen unnatural

So was I

The streets are letting me go
Without her leading hand
My hair will peacefully grow
Of every wicked bed

I am the mature one
I am the major one
I am the giant one
I am the needed one
I am the ritual